Becoming Who We Want To Be
In counselling terms, when the things that we do don’t match up with the type of person we say we want to be, we are “incongruent”.
Case in point — I have lamented not being able to fit into jeans for a year, but also haven’t been back to the gym since they reopened and I ate 150g of Toblerone after a McDonald’s last night. I will probably have the remaining triangles for breakfast. I’m incongruent — I say I want my back in those jeans, but I’m not doing anything to get there. I’m not ready to just love myself for who I am, nor am I ready to stop eating chocolate. That can be a pretty tiring and toxic place to be so I make excuses, fake deadlines and empty promises to myself.
I think I’ve used body image as an example of incongruence because it feels like an easy one to relate to. And it’s one that entire industries exist to “help” us attend to. Even though that unused membership, unattended class and dust collecting equipment can end up highlighting that we are still far apart from who we say we want to be.
Incongruence can be challenging to live with and attending to the gap can be hard. There’s very seldom a quick fix or a long term solution that can be bought. Resolution can often involve us digging deep to explore why we even want the things that we do in the first place. From there, we can decided whether we still care about it — then make a plan to either love ourselves as we are, or do the work that it takes to get to where we want to be.
As the results from the Scottish election rolled in this weekend, I’ve been questioning whether my actions align with who I say I want to be.
In May 2019, I changed my mind about Scottish Independence and shared my thought process. I was, and still am, done with feeling like my vote doesn’t matter. Done with the fact that despite doing the work that it takes to live in a progressive, inclusive and outward looking nation, I’m limited by others. And, whether understandable limitations or a ploy to evade accountability, I’m done with hearing from those in charge in Scotland that their options are limited. So, the outcome of this election mattered.
This weekend though, I was so happy to see people who do not agree with that perspective on independence get elected and sad to see others not win.
Celebrating people getting seats that reduced the majority for independence in Parliament? Commiserating with people who in losing their seat, made a referendum more likely? Behaviour worthy of someone responding with just the Clown emoji? Probably.
I do feel congruent though. I feel like the action that I’m taking matches with the kind of person I want to be and the kind of world I want to live in.
Yes, I want my vote to matter on the issues of welfare and war. No, I don’t want to have to wait on the 20+ year cycle where Labour might manage to break through in Westminster.
I don’t think that those things should stop me wanting MSPs who will fight fiercely for their constituents; for a society where everyone gets the support that they need and for an inclusive Scotland. So how can I not be happy to see Jackie Baillie, Paul Sweeney and Pam Duncan-Glancy elected? Or not feel sad about the missed potential of Barry Black not getting elected? All while being really happy that Nicola Sturgeon will continue as First Minister of Scotland.
This election had the highest turnout ever, with the SNP easily defeating every other party by vote share and the number of seats won. Political analysis is fun but I don’t think the result or its meaning need much attention. The SNP ran on a platform of recovery/referendum and they resoundingly won. Tactical voting might have played a part in the numbers — I wonder how people who vote for a party that they ideologically oppose find congruence.
On Monday, we move into the next five years of that recovery/referendum plan.
We have a head start on the former. Civic Scotland has been doing the deep work of establishing who we want to be. The Citizens Assembly, the National Advisory Council on Women and Girls, The Promise, the Advisory Group on Economic Recovery and many, many, many more have outlined the kind of nation that we aspire to live in. We have the blueprint, in just about every field, for resolving the gap between who we say we want to be and what we do to get there. I know that so many of the people just elected, from many different parties, will have brilliant ideas that boost and go beyond the ambitions of civic Scotland.
The next Scottish Parliament has what it takes to become congruent in public policy terms. The deep work is done, it is time to take action.
On the issue of independence, it will be for voters to decide whether that is the action necessary to become who we want to be. After Thursday’s election, I’m ready to do the work.
