The Echo Chamber and Ellen
Ellen DeGeneres was never meant to be an American institution. But despite working in an industry and country that was steeped in homophobia, she made it.
Ellen is fun, energetic, thoughtful. She gives away a fortune and gets her famous pals to do nice things for others. Ellen risked her career by coming out on TV in a move that sent a message across the world. Ellen is the pal that you can count on to make you laugh exactly when you need it and who will say what needs to be said.
She has caused some confusion by being all of those things and hanging out at the weekend with George W Bush.
On LGBT rights, George W Bush has nothing to be proud of. He dithered on recognising our existence, for good or bad, in any campaigning. He didn’t want to upset his deeply religious base by doing nothing and he didn’t want to frustrate the less bigoted parts of the right wing by doing something. He eventually relented half way through his presidency, calling for a constitutional amendment to ban couples of the same gender from getting married.
His approach to women’s reproductive health he was much the same — conserving the oppressive status quo and using the apparatus of the state to limit choice and options further.
His gravest policy was war with Iraq. It led to violence, death and a distrust in democracy that continues. There is no accurate count of how many people died as a result of this action with number ranging from 100,000 to 450,000. Many who granted Bush the power to have gone on to say they regret it and he left office with a 67% disapproval rating.
What politicians do is personal. The policies they decide on have impact on the things that we have access to and they can shape as well as follow public attitudes. I think the reason Ellen has come under scrutiny is because to those who like her, to those who get her, we thought that this was personal to her too.
My life has, then, always been politicised and up for public discussion by others.
In the 1980s, Margaret Thatcher wanted to make sure that I knew I didn’t have “an inalienable right to be gay” and introduced policies that were designed to keep me on the fringes of society.
In the 1990s, tabloid newspapers wanted to make sure I knew I was to be treated with nothing other than suspicion with headlines like “Are we being run by a gay mafia?”. In the 2000s, even the deaths of LGBT people became somewhere to score points and insinuate that there is just something untoward about us.
And in the 2010s, as my rights to participate in society have been increased, faith leaders described the move as public vandalism; elected politicians suggested that science might produce an answer to being gay and that young children shouldn’t hear about gay people; and Thursday night after Thursday night, my legitimacy to exist has come up on Question Time.
I was exposed to all of this messaging and many of the people around me felt a responsibility to enforce it. At school, people would walk behind me as I was going home and say “poof” in a volume that ranged from a loud enough to hear whisper all the way up to a shout. At home, I kept a part of me unspoken and quiet, never responding to questions about my ever growing network of young women friends and remembering distant relatives who would talk to my parents about me not being like the others. It’s no surprise then, as an adult, that I still find myself working through the shame that came with that. A life spent trapped in and surrounded by other people’s opinions about your worth is no life.
Part of Ellen’s response to the criticism she received was that she extends her kindness to everyone. That friendship is possible even when people have different beliefs to you. I recognise that approach, that idea that you should get out of your echo chamber and speak to people who think differently.
On the whole, I think that is a position that is as privileged as it is lofty. Expecting people who have been oppressed to meet their oppressors half way is oppressive. That middle ground approach, the false idea that the right thing to do lies between both of our perspectives, is part of the problem, not part of the solution.
Political choices created the hostile, judgemental world that I was born into and I want those behind those choices, and those not moving things forward, to be accountable. I can think of one friend I have who doesn’t believe that I should be able to be married. It isn’t enough of a reason for me to stop talking to them but it is a reason for me to be less authentic with them. They don’t get all of me and that’s a loss for both of us.
George W Bush, however, is no ordinary pal.
In a democracy, policy making involves choices and consequences. For those of us who were placed in the margins long before we were born, it is hard to just be indiscriminately kind like Ellen. Maybe her popularity, her wealth and her continued success makes it all easier to deal with.
Comparing both people’s track records, I find it difficult to imagine what George W Bush is giving up or letting go of in his friendship with Ellen that is in any way comparable to what she is. Suggestions to step outside the echo chamber are steeped in silent power and in my experience emanate from people who have found privilege. People who may have forgotten the shame, the sadness and the sense of not belonging that came from not having as much.
Perhaps Ellen’s over it. Or maybe she’s just like me with my pal, and gives George W Bush a cautious version of herself.
Whatever is the case, I hope that those who can’t find it in themselves to radiate relentless kindness and struggle with injustice know that keeping yourself safe, and finding others who care for every part of you, is a very important thing in a hostile world.
